Mary Anne and the Loving Memory of Kayla Willis
by MaryAnnefan4Life
Summary: When Mary Anne learned that Kayla died after she gets to see her, she became very upset and ended up being depressed. How can Mary Anne be happy again? What would she do without her best friend?
1. Kayla Gets Hospitalized

The Baby-Sitters Club doesn't belong to me. It belongs to Ann M. Martin.

I was getting ready for church on a Sunday morning. I have been praying for my best friend, Kayla Willis, who has been sick with cancer. She's under hospice care and I'm scared I'll be losing her. She was a cancer survivor and it's now back. I have been by her side. If she's too tired to help her twin, Kaylee, watching their six younger siblings, I'd take over.

I'm Mary Anne Spier. I'm 15 and a tenth grader of Stoneybrook High School. Luckily, my family and friends would help me through it. Dad is in Chicago and won't be back until later on tonight.

"Is everyone ready for church?" asked my stepmom, Sharon.

"Yes," I replied.

At church, I kept praying for Kayla. I was in tears thinking she doesn't have much time. She's been getting treatments until the doctors stopped because she was getting weaker. I keep my cell phone off because imagine Kaylee texts me the news? I'd be afraid to start crying during mass in front of everybody. I'd be embarrassed, but I think the priest would understand. He knew Kayla is sick.

After mass, I went to the priest telling him about my fears about Kayla would be joining the angels.

"You have nothing to worry about especially knowing Kayla will not suffer anymore," said the priest.

"True. I've been praying for her," I said.

"You're also a good friend when you help her sister out," said the priest.

"I know. I was always supportive since her illness," I said. "And, I know it would affect me when she dies."

"I'm sure it will," agreed the priest.

"I suffer from depression ever since. I fear it's getting worse now," I said. "I try stay busy without thinking about it."

"That's a good thing," said the priest.

"Plus, I got a scrapbook and DVD that the girls made me for Christmas. When it got burnt in the house fire, they made a new one. I'm glad for that if I wanted to keep Kayla in my memories," I said. "I'd be lost without them."

After we had a long talk, I met the rest in the car.

"It makes me feel good when I talk to the priest," I said.

"That's good," said Sharon.

"Kayla is scared to die," I said.

"That's normal for some people," said Sharon.

"I'm also afraid that it will happen," I said.

"I'm sure you are," said Sharon.

At home, I was in my room reading. Then, Sharon asked us to help her doing some yard work. It's mostly weeds and rake leaves. I don't mind doing it. She told me it would do me good to keep my mind off from losing Kayla. Somehow, she was right. It kept me busy. We were doing yard work when Kaylee rushed over.

"What's going on?" I asked.

"Hate to ask you a favor at the last minute, but can you help me watching the younger kids? Kayla just got rushed to the hospital. She collapsed," said Kaylee.

"Go ahead, the others will finish up with me," said Sharon.

That was when Kaylee and I took off next door before her father left to meet his wife and Kayla at the hospital.

"Thanks for coming over," said Kaylee.

"No problem. We were just doing yard work," I said.

"I'm glad Sharon lets you come when it's an emergency," said Kaylee.

"It helps when we're neighbors," I said.

"Exactly," said Kaylee.

We watched the kids for a few hours until their parents came back.

"How's Kayla?" I asked.

"Not good. She has 24 to 48 hours to live," replied Mrs. Willis.

"I hope I can see her before that happens," I said.

"Me, too," said Kaylee.

I was in a nervous wreck.

"You can see her tomorrow. The doctors want her to rest before having any visitors," said Mrs. Willis.

They paid me for coming on short notice and I left for home.

"We just came back in," said Sharon.

"Kaylee was grateful for letting me go help her in an emergency," I said.

"How is Kayla?" asked Sharon.

"Mrs. Willis said she is not doing well. She has 24 to 48 hours to live," I replied. "Kaylee and I hoped we would see Kayla, but her mom said to wait until tomorrow so she can rest."

That night, I didn't come down for dinner. Then, Dad came home.

"Just in time, dinner is served," said Sharon.

"Oh, good, I didn't had dinner yet," said Dad.

Meredith came down.

"Mary Anne said she's not hungry," said Meredith.

"She must be nervous about Kayla," said Sharon.

"She is," said Meredith.

"What about her?" asked Dad.

"We were outside doing yard work when Kaylee came and told Mary Anne what was happening and needed her help with the other kids. I understood in an emergency. When she came back a few hours later, she said Kayla has about 24 to 48 hours to live," explained Sharon.

"Oh," said Dad.

After dinner, I was still in my room when Dad came up to be with me.

"Sharon was telling me what's happening with Kayla," said Dad.

"Yes and I was too worried to come down with dinner," I said.

"I bet you were," said Dad.

"Kaylee was doing okay. I don't know how she can be like that with her sister dying," I said. "If that was my sister, I'd be crying my eyes out."

"I know," said Dad. "Kaylee's probably thought when it happens, she knows that Kayla would be in a better place and not suffering anymore."

I didn't think of that part.

"I haven't thought about that to be honest with you. The hard part is that we're best friends. That's going to be even harder for me to adjust that," I said.

"That's true," said Dad.

"She would be my second friend to die since Amelia," I said.

"You got a good point," said Dad.

Amelia Freeman got killed by a drunk driver in a car crash. We had this bench made in a garden to honor her. Her younger brother, Josh, took it harder. He's a seventh grader at Stoneybrook Middle School.

"I might skip school so I can spend some time with Kayla tomorrow," I said.

"I don't mind if you wanted to," said Dad.

"What if she dies without me saying good bye to her? I'd be upset even more," I said.


	2. Mary Anne Sees Kayla

The next day, I decided to stay home from school so I can see Kayla.

"You can always see her after school," said Dawn.

"I could do it that way, but what happens if she dies without me seeing her?" I asked. "Besides, Dad already knows I'd be doing that. I'd be afraid to fall behind if I had my mind on her, not school."

"I can get what you were saying," said Carlos. "I remember when my brother died of the scarlet fever while I was in school. I was upset because I didn't get to see or say good bye to him."

"You were lucky that fatal crash happened to your mom and sister while you were here with us as well," I said.

"I know," said Meredith. "That could've happened to me if I wasn't here. I thought about that."

"That's true," said Carlos.

Dad offered to take me to the hospital.

"I'm off today," said Dad. "I'll do my errands and I'll come back for you."

"Okay, great," I said.

Then, we left. At the hospital, I was told Kayla's on life support.

"Is there a way I can still see her? Dad let me stay home from school so I can come. I'd be worried thinking she'd died while I'm in school," I said.

"You can still see her. I believe Kaylee will be here after school," said the doctor.

"I don't know how she can do that. It's her sister," I said.

"I know," said the doctor.

"Imagine if I get see Kayla before death and she doesn't? I'd feel guilty," I said.

"Mrs. Willis asked me to give you this," said the doctor giving me the jewelry.

When I opened it, it was Kayla's locket.

"I remember this. It had pictures of us," I said as I put it on.

"It would help you keep her in your memories," said the doctors.

I moved it in my shirt so Kaylee won't know it.

"I'm surprised that Kayla gave this to me and not Kaylee," I said.

"I think she gave it to her sister, too," said the doctor.

"Maybe, but I better not show her this though in case she doesn't have one. She'd be angry," I said.

I stayed with Kayla for a while. She was on life support. I was with her for 20 minutes before Dad came for me.

"She's on life support according to Dr. Wellington," I said. "I might come back with Kaylee so I can make it off I didn't see Kayla. I didn't want to make her jealous."

"That would be a good idea," said Dad.

"Or I might just tell Kaylee I came, but I decided to come back with her," I said.

"That's a good idea," said Dad.

Later, I was on the porch when Kaylee came by and said, "I didn't see you in school today."

"I had my mind on Kayla," I said. "Are you still planning to see her?"

"Yes," replied Kaylee.

"I went to her, but I don't mind going back with you," I said.

"Okay, I understand," said Kaylees as she came on the porch with me. "How she is doing?"

"She's on life support," I said.

"Mom and Dad told me the same thing," said Kaylee.

"I didn't think you knew," I said. "I didn't recall them mentioning that to us."

"I don't either. They told me that this morning," said Kaylee.

"I wondered how you focused in school without worrying about your sister," I said.

"I did fine. I pretended she's there with me so I can keep my mind on schoolwork," said Kaylee.

"Dawn thought I'd see Kayla after school, but I'd be worried my mind would be on Kayla and suppose if she dies and I didn't get to see her? I'd be upset. Carlos knew what I was saying because that happened to his brother while Carlos was in school and it hurt him so much," I said.

"At least he knows what you're going through," said Kaylee.

"I know," I agreed.

Then, we left to go see Kayla, who was still on life support. We stayed for 30 minutes and left.

"Whatever it happens, we were able to see Kayla," said Kaylee.

"I agree," I said.

"But I wish we were able to talk to her," said Kaylee.

"Me, too," I said.

Later, I came to the meeting.

"How did you made out seeing Kayla?" asked Kristy who knew.

"She's on life support," I said.

"Wow," said Stacey.

"She must be fading away," said Claudia.

"She has 24 to 48 hours," I said.

"Poor Kaylee must be torn," said Jessi.

"Not really," I said.

"Are you serious?" asked Mallory.

"Yes. She doesn't seem to be upset at all," I said.

"That's weird," said Kristy.

"How can she handle that better than you? You're the one who's worried about it," said Stacey.

"I know. I also never left Kayla's side and I take over when she can't help Kaylee watching their siblings," I said.

"Plus, Kaylee asked you to help when Kayla got rushed to the hospital yesterday," added Dawn.

"Exactly," I said.

"Just think how would Kayla be if that was Kaylee, she'd be very upset," said Stacey.

"Worse of all, I'm the one could be depressed when the time comes," I said. "I just got over it because I stay busy while she was ill."

"And, I bet it would be coming back," said Jessi.

"Kaylee didn't mind me seeing Kayla and we went to her," I said.

After the meeting, Dawn and I went home.

"I find the way Kaylee is handling it is very strange," said Dawn.

"She told me she pretended Kayla was in school to help her focus," I said.


	3. The Sad News about Kayla

That night, at the Willis', the phone rang and Mrs. Willis answered. She was on the phone for ten minutes before hanging up and gathered Kaylee before others.

"Kaylee, I have some sad news," said Mrs. Willis.

"Who was that?" asked Kaylee, who was getting nervous.

"That was the hospital and the nurse told me Kayla had just died," said Mrs. Willis.

"What!?" exclaimed Kaylee as she stood up. "Mary Anne and I just saw Kayla earlier!"

"I know you did," said Mrs. Willis. "Do you mind go call or text Mary Anne while I tell your siblings?"

"Sure, but this is going to be tough to break," said Kaylee as she went to the phone.

That was when Mrs. Willis told the rest.

"At least Kayla is not suffering anymore," said D.J.

"And, we'll think of her every day," added Mario.

"I know," said their mother.

Ten minutes later, the phone rang and Carlos got up to answer.

"Hello," said Carlos.

"Is Mary Anne there?" asked Kaylee. "I need to tell her something."

"Is everything okay?" asked Carlos.

"Mom just had a phone call from the hospital and was informed Kayla passed away," said Kaylee. "Mom wanted me to call or text Mary Anne, but I figured I'd call her."

"Wow. You girls saw her today," said Carlos.

"I know. I'm glad we did," said Kaylee.

"The news is going to be hard to break," said Carlos.

"I know. Do you mind giving Mary Anne the phone?" asked Kaylee.

"Sure," replied Carlos.

"What happened?" asked Meredith.

"Kayla died," said Carlos. "Kaylee wants me to give the phone to Mary Anne. And, I'm not sure how Kaylee is."

"I know it would affect Mary Anne the most," said Meredith.

"I bet," agreed Carlos as he went upstairs.

In my room, Carlos came to me and said, "Mary Anne, Kaylee's on the phone."

I had butterflies in my stomach as I took the phone and said, "Hi, Kaylee. Is everything okay?"

"I have some sad news to tell you," said Kaylee. "The hospital called Mom and said that Kayla passed on."

"You must be joking," I said while my voice was breaking.

"No, I'm afraid not. I almost didn't believe Mom either since you and I saw Kayla earlier," said Kaylee.

"Thank god that didn't happen while you were in school," I said.

"I agree," said Kaylee.

"How are the others making out?" I asked.

"They're doing okay," said Kaylee.

"What do you mean by okay? That was their sister," I said.

"I know. We all agreed that we knew Kayla isn't in pain now," said Kaylee.

"I suppose you're right," I said. "All three of us have been very close. That's the toughest part of my life I'd adjust to."

"I know," said Kaylee. "You and I will make it together."

We talked for a long time until we hung up. I was still in shock on what I learned about Kayla. I'm glad I went to see her though. And, was it my imagination or was she coping with the loss already? How can she do that so fast?

I brought the phone down and ran back upstairs to my room with tears.

"She must be taking it hard," said Carlos.

Carlos and Meredith came to see me.

"How are you doing?" asked Carlos.

"Worse," I replied.

"I know how that feels," said Carlos.

"Me, too," added Meredith.

It was great to have supportive siblings.

Later, I called Kristy and told her about it.

"Wow. You just saw Kayla today before the meeting," said Kristy.

"I know. Kaylee is taking it pretty well," I said.

"Well? I thought she'd be upset," said Kaylee.

"I was expecting her to be like that," I said.

"I think that's odd," said Kristy.

After we talked, I was wiping my tears thinking about Kayla.

Dawn wasn't home. She was babysitting. When she came home, Carlos told her the news.

"That's a surprise. How's Mary Anne taking it?" asked Dawn.

"She's shocked about it," replied Meredith.

"I'm just going to see if she's okay," said Dawn.

She was great when she came up and we talked about it. She's also surprised on how Kaylee was handling it.

Sharon and Dad weren't home yet. They went to out for dinner and see a R-rated movie. They came home before 11:00 pm, so they didn't know about Kayla yet. But I didn't go to sleep right away because I was still getting upset about my best friend being gone.

I got up and went downstairs. I had the TV on low watching this DVD the girls gave me for Christmas.

"I'll go see how Mary Anne is," said Dad. "I'm worried about her since she told me Kayla is on life support."

That was when he saw me in the living room and went to me.

"I thought about you tonight," said Dad.

"Kaylee called me earlier and told me the news that upset me," I said.

"Was everything okay?" asked Dad.

I shook my head. "Kayla passed away."

"You girls just saw her this afternoon," said Dad.

"I know," I said. "I'm glad we did that in time."

"How's Kaylee doing?" asked Dad.

"She's handling it very differently. She didn't sound upset at all," I said. "Dawn, Kristy, Meredith, and Carlos thought it was a strange."

"I suspect she knows Kayla is in a better place," said Dad.

"That's what she said when I asked her about the others," I said. "I was stunned."

"Just think happy times you had, I bet that helped Kaylee," suggested Dad.

We went to bed 20 minutes later hoping that would help me.

Three hours later, I was tossing and turning in bed.

"No, no," I was calling out. "No, no."

I was still shocked about Kayla's death. Meredith must heard me and turned over.

"Mary Anne," said Meredith as she got up to me.

"No, no," I continued while moaning.

"Mary Anne," said Meredith as I woke up. "You were having a bad dream."

"I still had Kayla in my mind," I said.

"I bet," said Meredith taking my hand.

"I just miss her too much," I said.

"The odd part is you're the one who isn't taking it too well. I thought Kaylee would be like that, too," said Meredith.

"I know," I said.

"Why don't sleep in my bed? It would make you feel better," said Meredith.

Somehow, it did made me feel better.


	4. BSC Come Over

The next day, I was still too upset to attend. My mind could go blank during a test in English.

"Is Mary Anne alright?" asked Sharon.

"She had a tough night," said Dad. "She told me that Kayla died."

"Wow," said Sharon.

"She's having a hard time adjusting," said Meredith.

At school, Stacey didn't see me in school. She didn't know about Kayla yet.

"Where's Mary Anne?" asked Stacey.

"I don't know. I haven't seen her," said Claudia.

"She's at home," said Dawn.

"Again?" asked Stacey.

Kristy came and said, "Mary Anne texted and told me the news last night. She sounded upset."

"I knew about it," said Dawn. "Carlos told me when I got home from babysitting."

"What news?" asked Stacey.

The girls looked at each other and Kristy said, "We'll explain later so the rest gets involved since it wasn't announced."

"What's going with Kaylee?" asked Stacey.

"She is acting odd," said Dawn.

"I noticed that, too," added Kristy.

After school, Kristy said, "Kayla lost her battle to cancer last night."

"Mary Anne must be very upset," said Claudia.

"She is," said Dawn.

"That explains why I didn't see her, but why Kaylee is here?" asked Stacey.

"I'm not sure. Mary Anne told me and Kristy that Kaylee didn't get upset at all," said Dawn.

"Meredith and I saw that," said Carlos.

"She noticed it as well," said Kristy.

"I suspect Kaylee wanted to forget and attend school," said Claudia.

"I thought about the same thing," said Mallory.

"Logan knows about it," said Kristy.

"He felt bad," added Dawn.

"I think we should see Mary Anne to make sure she's okay," said Stacey.

"I think she would like that," said Meredith.

At home, I was in my room when my friends came over.

"They wanted to see if you're okay. They felt bad about Kayla's sudden death," said Dawn.

"I'm still in shocked," I said.

"Kaylee was in school," said Stacey.

"How can she handle that?" I asked.

"We suspect she wanted to forget and attend school," said Kristy.

"I knew I wouldn't able to do it, that's why I stayed home. I didn't want to fall behind in classes," I said.

"I don't blame you," said Kristy.

"Neither do we," said Claudia.

"I don't think Kaylee knew you were out," said Dawn.

"She didn't ask us about it during lunch," said Stacey.

"I think she wanted to act normal around you guys like she did when Kayla collapsed the day she was absent and when I told her about it," I said.

"Maybe you're right," said Carlos.

"We did expect her to be upset about her sister's death," said Meredith.

"So did I," I said.

Later, I wondered if I should see Kaylee.

"I'm going next door to see Kaylee," I said.

"I think she would like to have company," said Dad.

"But she didn't come over with the other girls to see how I was doing," I pointed out.

"I'm surprised at her," said Dad.

"Me, too," I said. "I'm going to talk to her about it."

"I think so, too," said Dad.

I went next door to see how Kaylee was doing.

"She's doing okay," said Mrs. Willis.

"I was told she went to school," I said.

"She wanted to forget about the news," said Mrs. Willis.

"Oh, I didn't even go to school today," I said. "I'm still shocked about Kayla's death."

"I thought she went to see you after school," said Mrs. Willis.

"No, she didn't. That's why I was debating if I should show up or now. After all, I did support her sister all this time during her illness," I said.

"I agree," said Mrs. Willis.

"Should I talk to her about it?" I asked.

"I would," replied her mom.

"Dad was surprised at her," I said. "My other friends came to see me. At least they cared. He agreed about talking to you."

I went to see Kaylee and she was acting strange.

"I was expecting you to see me after you got out of school," I said as I sat on Kayla's bed.

"Oh, good, you're here," said Kaylee. "I knew why you were out when I didn't see you."

"Then, why you didn't come over to see me?" I asked. "Is something bugging you? I can tell the way you were acting."

"Yes. I wanted to walk on my own. I didn't bother walking with the other girls. They all avoided me in school," said Kaylee.

"Avoid you?" I asked.

"Yes," said Kaylee. "I don't know why."

"They didn't think you would attend school today. They all thought you would be upset about Kayla's death. My siblings saw that, too, when you called me about Kayla," I said.

That was whenn Kaylee blanked hard.

"To be honest with you, I thought you would be upset, too," I said. "I didn't sleep much last night. I couldn't stop thinking about Kayla."

"The truth is that I do miss Kayla. I guess I didn't let them go near me. I didn't realized they were concerned about me," said Kaylee.

"They cared about you. That's what they told me when they came," I said.

"I was just trying to act normal. I didn't want to talk about it at school," said Kaylee.

I knew what she was saying now. I had a feeling on that.

"Your mom did say you wanted to go to school to forget about it," I said.

"I did," said Kaylee. "I had some good memories about this."

"Like what?" I asked.

"Since we shared a room, we would pretend we were roommates. At least you can use her bed when you're here for sleepovers," said Kaylee.

"That would make me feel a little awkward," I said.

"True, but I used that thought to help me sleep through the night," added Kaylee. "Mom said we have life insurance, so that would help us pay for Kayla's funeral expenses."

"Really?" I asked.

"Yes, so we're glad," said Kaylee.

"How are your younger siblings making out?" I asked. "I thought about them last night."

"They're doing okay. They all went to school, too," replied Kaylee. "I don't even have her locket. She was supposed to give it to me."

She didn't realized I have it. I didn't even show it to her.

"Isn't that her locket that you're wearing?" asked Kaylee, who noticed that.

"Yes," I replied as I held it. "I guess it was a way for her to help me go through it."

"I didn't even know you had that," said Kaylee.

"She gave this to me the other day, but she called it a friendship locket," I replied. "In fact, it was the doctor who handed it over to me in case she dies before we get to see her. She wanted to make it special for me."

"I think I have an idea. I could buy you one and we can add Kayla's pictures so you and I can both have lockets," I said.

"That sounds fair enough," said Kaylee. "Do you want when you're up for it?"

"Sure," I said.


	5. Mary Anne's Tough Choice

Later, I felt better after talking to Kaylee. I told Dad what bothered her.

"She must have been glad you went to her," said Dad.

"She was. She didn't want to bother coming here with the girls for that reason," I said. "They may not realize that she was trying to act normal without talking about Kayla's death."

"You got a good point," said Dad.

"She's always like that," I said.

That night, at dinner, I didn't even eat much.

"Are you okay, honey?" asked Dad. "You're not eating much."

"I'm just not hungry. I still miss Kayla," I said.

"I bet," said Dad.

"May I leave the table?" I asked.

"Of course," said Dad.

I got up and went to my room.

"I think she's going to be like that for a while," said Sharon.

"I think so, too," said Dad.

After dinner, Dad said, "I think we should let Mary Anne recover before she could help you guys again."

"That's fine. We understand," said Carlos.

"Don't worry about it," said Meredith.

"I agree," said Dawn.

"You have us," said Carlos.

I was on my bed when Dad came in to me.

"How are you doing now?" asked Dad as he sat with me. "I was worried about you."

"I'm still shocked about Kayla's death," I said.

"I know," said Dad.

"I'm still glad I saw her before she died though," I said.

"That's good," said Dad.

"The only bad part is she didn't wake up at all so that Kaylee and I can see her," I said. "I'll tell the priest to keep that in his prayers when we go to church on Sunday."

"That's a nice idea," said Dad.

I went to bed at nine pm again hoping I'd sleep this time.

The next day, Dad showed me that Kayla was in the today's obituaries. I didn't recover enough to attend school. He was off today.

"Her wake is on Friday night from six to eight and the funeral is on Saturday morning at nine in New York City. She will be buried at _New Montefiore Cemetery_ on 500 5th Avenue # 1830," said Dad.

"I'll think about it, but I'm not sure I'll go though," I said.

"It's up to you. You don't have to go if you don't want to," said Dad.

"I might make a decision by Thursday," I said.

"Okay," said Dad. "That's fine, sweetie."

"May I keep that part when you're done reading that?" I asked.

"I'm already done with it," replied Dad.

So, I cut it out to keep it. I liked her seventh grade picture.

I'll be surprised if Kaylee goes to the funeral. I bet she forgot about Kayla quickly because she can be very strong. In fact, she's stronger than I am! I wish I can be strong like her. I admit it: I was jealous last time and Coke almost ruined it because of that because I didn't want to tell Kaylee last time to keep our friendship and caused her to stop talking to me for two days. Luckily, with Kayla's help, Kaylee understood and said she would've been glad whenever I bring that up. Keeping her is more important than losing her especially when we need each other.

That afternoon, Kristy and the other girls came over to see me after school.

"Are you going to the wake and the funeral? Maybe I can go to support the Willis family for their tough time," said Stacey.

"Yeah," said the others.

"I don't know if I am. I'll make a decision before Thursday. Dad said I don't have to if I don't want to," I said. "I don't even know if Kaylee's going."

"Do you want to try the wake first?" asked Kristy. "Because if it's too painful for you, you don't have to attend the funeral."

"I'll wait and see first," I said.

"I'm sure if we all go together, you'd be just fine," said Kristy.

"I agree," said Claudia.

That made sense to me. Leave that to all of my friends who knew what to do.

"Before you girls go, I think we need to talk about something," I said as I told her what bothered Kaylee the other day. "When I went to her, she was in a bad mood. I hope you realized that she wanted to act normal instead of talking about her sister's. That's why she didn't come here with you girls."

"She told us that. We didn't even know what was her issue," said Claudia.

"She also found out we came to talk to you after school, not her. She was furious at us," said Stacey.

"Can you blame her for that?" I asked. "She knew why I was out."

That night, I was on the front porch looking pale when Dad gathered the neighborhood, who knew Kayla, near our house and said, "As we all know, Kayla had gone to heaven with the angels the other day. She was a terrific friend to my daughter. She was a beloved daughter, granddaughter, and sister. You're all welcome to join the Willis and attend the wake on Friday night and the funeral on Saturday morning in New York City."

"Let's now bow and pray," said Sharon.

That's what we did. Everyone except me. That was when I burst into tears and ran inside the house to my room slamming my door.

"Dear lord, please take good care of Kayla Willis. She had struggled with leukemia for quite awhile and I know she's with you so she won't suffer anymore. She was a very strong person no matter what happens. I know my late wife, Alma, will look after her, too. We will pray for her every night before we go to bed. I know she will always be around as my daughter's guardian angel to keep her in memories. Amen," said Dad.

"Amen," echoed the others.

"See you all this weekend and have a good night, everyone," said Sharon.

They all left to go back home.

That was when Sharon noticed I didn't stay on the porch.

"Where's Mary Anne?" asked Sharon. "She's not out here."

Dad noticed Sharon was right and looking for me.

"I bet she went in the house. I should go see her," said Dad. "I bet this was too painful for her to stay out here with us."

Kaylee must have been looking for me, too, when she said, "I'll go see to her."

"Okay," said Dad.

I was on my bed being facing the other way when Kaylee knocked on the door and came in to be with me. When he sat with me, she noticed I was sobbing. I didn't notice she was there at first. I didn't even feel her rubbing my shirt.

"Was it too much for you to remain out there with us?" asked Kaylee as I turned my head to him and nodded. "I thought so because your father noticed you weren't out on the porch. I noticed that, too."

"I just couldn't stay out to pray too long," I was still weeping.

"It'll be okay now," said Kaylee.

I sat up and hugged her. That was when Dad came in.

"How is she doing?" asked Dad.

"It got too much for her to stay out there with us," replied Kaylee.

"I'm sure it was," said Dad.

Kaylee stayed with me for the whole time until her mom fetched for her.

The next day, I went over to Kaylee's and rang the doorbell as Mrs. Willis answered.

"Hello, Mary Anne," said Mrs. Willis.

"Hi. I was grateful for Kaylee to be with me last night. I couldn't stay out to pray with anyone," I said.

"She was worried about you," said Mrs. Willis.

"I haven't gone back to school yet," I said.

She let me in and I went to Kaylee.

"Hi," I said.

"Hi," said Kaylee. "How are you doing from last night?"

"Doing a little better," I said.

"That's good. I was thinking about you," said Kaylee. "Did you see Kayla in yesterday's obituaries?"

"Yes, Dad showed it to me," I replied, "I cut that one so I can keep it."

"So did I," said Kaylee.

"I might or might not attend the wake or the funeral because I don't want to be miserable all over again. I might make that choice tonight or tomorrow," I said.

"I am because I was supposed to read a poem about her during the funeral," said Kaylee.

"The other girls want me to go, but Dad said I don't have to if I don't want to," I told her.

"I don't blame you," said Kaylee.

"Are you sure?" I asked.

"Positive," replied Kaylee.

I'm glad she wouldn't mind. This is still one tough decision to make.

"At least I can pretend you're Kayla since you girls were identical," I said.

"That's true," agreed Kaylee as we hugged.

That night, I finally made a decision and went down to Dad.

"Dad," I said as I sat with him.

"What's up, peanut?" asked Dad when he noticed me.

"I made a decision. I'm going to try the wake and if it's going to get me upset even more, I'm not going to the funeral or see her buried," I said.

"Okay," said Dad. "That's fine."

"It was a tough one to make," I said.

"I bet," agreed Dad putting his arm around me.


	6. The Wake and Mary's Big Decision

On Friday, we left for New York City after school ended for the weekend. I was with Kaylee in my dad's car after we had permission while the other crew took two cars. One in Mrs. Willis' car and the others in Mr. Willis's car. I was very quiet and Dad was the one who noticed that.

"You're pretty quiet this afternoon," said Dad.

"Are you nervous about the wake?" asked Dawn.

"Don't make her upset even more," said Dad in his firm voice.

"I agree. It's not a good time to mention it," added Kaylee.

To be honest, I knew Dawn was right. I _am_ nervous about attending the wake tonight.

"Dawn's right," I said. "I'm a bit nervous about attending Kayla's wake. I haven't gone to the funeral since Amelia's death."

Dawn took my hand and said, "Everything will be okay. You made out fine during that time."

"That's true," I said. "I never been to the wake though. That's why I'm nervous. Both Mimi and Amelia had funeral masses."

"You got a strong point on that," said Dawn.

In New York City, we were at the apartment. I spotted their grandparents and went to hug them.

"Hi, Mary Anne, I'm surprised to see you here," said Jeffrey.

"I figured I'd try the wake to see how it goes," I said.

"How are you doing?" asked Ginnie.

"Not well. I didn't take the news very well," I said. "I haven't gone to school all this week."

"I bet," said Jeffrey.

"At least I get to see Kayla before she passed at the hospital. When Kaylee told me, I thought she was kidding because we had just saw Kayla," I said.

"Hi, Gramps," said Kaylee. "Hi, Granny."

"Hi, Kaylee," said Jeffrey.

"How are you feeling?" asked Ginnie.

"I'm just trying to be strong," replied Kaylee.

I already knew she was strong. But I decided to not to say anything at the moment.

"Good," said Jeffrey. "Just keep going stronger every day."

My other friends arrived an hour later with the Willis family. Later, I was getting ready for Kayla's wake. I had a black dress on. After that, I went to Jeffrey.

"I'm getting a bit nervous to attend the wake. I never been to one. What if I act upset in front of everyone? I'd be so embarrassed," I said.

"Those feelings are normal," said Jeffrey.

"I did fine last time I went to a friend's funeral mass after she was killed in a car crash by a drunk driver before your family moved to Stoneybrook," I said. "So, I hope I would be okay tonight. That's what I'm worried about."

"Would you like to sit by me?" asked Jeffrey.

"Sure," I answered.

I'm glad he asked me that. Kaylee asked to do the same, so I agreed to do so. Ginnie is sjtting with Jeffrey.

I also wanted Dad to be near me, so I went to him and said, "Mind if you sit near me?"

"Of course," said Dad with a grin.

"Both Jeffrey and Kaylee asked me if they would want to sit near me as well," I said. "Ginnie would be with her husband."

"That's good," said Dad.

"I know," I said. "I'm nervous about how I could act at a wake. I'm scared to embarrass myself."

"It'll be alright," said Dad.

When I made sure Kaylee wasn't around, who was probably in the living room, I said, "I learned Kaylee is trying strong before I did, but I choose not to say anything right now."

"I don't blame you. You can always ask her what she did to become strong when the time is right," said Dad.

That made sense to me. Thank god Dad always know what to do.

"It's almost time to leave for the wake," announced Mrs. Willis.

"Okay," I said. "I'm ready to go anyway."

At the _Dodge-Thomas Funeral Home_ , I saw Kayla in an open casket. I noticed the directors gave her a wig to get her ready. That was starting to bother me a lot. I knelt near her to pray and went to sit near Jeffrey, Dad, and Kaylee.

When it began, I tried very hard not to cry. When Dad noticed I was in tears, he took my hand to comfort me. Plus, Kaylee had her arm around me. I'm surprised she wasn't even upset at all, not even after she told me the news about her sister's death.

"If anyone wants to make a speech about Kayla, you're welcome to do so at the funeral mass tomorrow," said the funeral director.

I don't think that would be for me, especially when I feel emotional about my best friend- the one whom I just lost. I'd be afraid I would start weeping. During the wake, I was still in tears. An hour later, I couldn't take it anymore and I got up heading to the lobby. At first, no one noticed I walked out until Dad did.

"Jeffrey, where's Mary Anne?" asked Dad in a whisper.

Jeffrey noticed I wasn't there and said, "Kaylee, did Mary Anne walk out?"

"She must have. I didn't even notice that," replied Kaylee.

"Excuse me, I'll go see where she is," said Dad in a low voice as he got up. "I got a feeling this was too much painful for her to handle."

"I think so, too," said Kaylee.

Out in the lobby, I was still sobbing while sitting on the floor with my head near my legs. When Dad came out, he noticed that as he went over and sat next to me.

"Are you alright, honey?" asked Dad.

"I just couldn't handle it in there," I replied while I was still bawling. "I came out so I won't embarrass myself in there."

"It's going to be okay," said Dad putting his hand around me and I hugged him.

"The wake just bothers me," I said. "I just want to go back to the apartment. Would Jeffrey mind if I do that? I don't want to stay here any longer."

"I don't think he'll mind. Let me go tell him," said Dad as he got up and went inside to Jeffrey. "Mary Anne asked me if she can go back to the apartment. She couldn't handle the wake."

"Okay. I don't blame her. I can go bring her there and come back here since the wake would be done soon," said Jeffrey.

"Thank you," said Dad.

At the apartment, I ran into the room and shut the door. Later, when the others returned, I didn't come out. I was still weeping.

"I wonder how Mary Anne is doing," said Dad.

"I can go see her," said Kristy.

In the room, I didn't heard anyone knock when Kristy came in noticing I was curled up in a ball crying. She sat next to me.

"Are you going to be okay?" asked Kristy.

"I just couldn't stay at the wake," I replied as I sat up wiping my tears. "I don't think I'll go to the funeral or see Kayla get buried. It would be too emotional for me. I don't want to get depressed all over again."

"I get what you're saying," said Kristy.

"At least I'd still have you, Dawn, and Kaylee as my best friends, but it wouldn't be the same without Kayla," I said.

"We can all help you get better. I promise you that," said Kristy comforting me.

"Thanks," I said trying to smile.

Dad came by and said, "How is she doing?"

"I'm still feeling upset at this moment. I'm not going to the funeral or the burial to start crying all over again," I answered.

"I don't blame you, sweetie. You don't have to if you don't want to. At least you tried the wake though. That's all it matters," said Dad.

"True, I guess," I said.

Even though I went to bed by ten, I didn't even go to sleep right away. I just missed Kayla way too much. I sat up in bed trying not to cry. I was afraid to wake anyone up here.

I almost started sobbing and went out there with tears rolling down. Out there, I was on the couch while I started crying softly. I guess Kaylee knew I was up because she came out and noticed me as she sat on the couch with me. Then, when I noticed her, I hugged her while I was still weeping.

"I noticed you were up, so I came out to see if you were okay," said Kaylee putting her arm around me.

"I'm just having a tough time missing Kayla," I said. "You're lucky that you're getting stronger than I am."

"I'm sure you will one day," said Kaylee.

"I just hope so," I said.

"Kayla would be in our hearts everyday," said Kaylee. "I'll help you to be strong like me."

I didn't want to tell her that I was jealous.

We tried to talk quietly. Dad apparently knew I was up, too and came out to join us.

"Is she okay?" asked Dad.

"I knew she was up and I came out to see if she's alright," said Kaylee.

"And, I just can't stop missing Kayla," I said.

"Oh, honey, it'll be okay," said Dad comforting me.

"Why don't you sleep in my bed? You'll feel better," said Kaylee.

"That's what I did with Meredith. That made me feel better," I said.

I did and I felt a bit better after that.

However, I still stayed behind at the apartment while the others left for the funeral and the burial the next day. They knew I wasn't going. An hour and a half later, Dad came by to see if I want to go to the brunch. I decided to do that. That's what I did. It was being held at the plaza.

We didn't go back to the apartment until two hours later. We went back home after that.


	7. Grandma Verna Calls Mary Anne

At home, I was in my room unpacking my suitcase and put it away. I was sitting on my bed after that. I was starting to feel depressed. I suspected going to the wake make me feel even worse. I regretted with that decision.

That night, I remained in my room.

"It's time for dinner, everyone," said Sharon.

The others went to the table, but I didn't come down though.

"Mary Anne, honey," said Sharon.

Dad got worried about me when I still didn't come down to have supper.

"I bet she's getting depressed again," said Dad. "I'll go see her. You guys can start without me."

In my room, I was on my bed looking in my locket.

"Mary Anne," said Dad as he knocked on my door and came in as he sat with me. "Dinner's ready."

"I don't want anything right now," I said as I sat up.

"I bet it's still tough on you about Kayla," said Dad as I just nodded.

"I would like to forget her, but it's very hard to do so," I said.

"I know," said Dad putting his hand on my shoulder to comfort me. "Are you sure you don't want anything?"

I just nodded.

"I can come back up to be with you if you like," said Dad.

"Okay," I said trying to smile.

Out there, Dad came back down.

"Isn't she coming down?" asked Sharon.

"No," replied Dad. "You could tell she's still taking it too hard. I told her I'd go see her after dinner."

"That's too bad though," said Meredith.

"I know," agreed Carlos.

Then, the phone rang as Dad got up to answer the phone.

"Hello," said Dad.

"Hello, Richard," said Grandma Verna.

"Oh, hi, Verna, how are you?" asked Dad.

"Good," replied Grandma Verna.

"We're just having dinner," said Dad.

"I'm just calling to talk to Mary Anne," said Grandma Verna.

"I don't think she wants to talk to right now. It has been a rough time for her. Kayla died and Mary Anne's taking very bad," said Dad. "They were very close."

"I thought so. She tried calling me and the message sounded terrible," said my grandmother. "I was away with a friend and I just got back today. That's why I was calling her back."

"Oh, I didn't think she did," said Dad. "I can try to bring the phone to her."

In my room, Dad came in and said, "It's your grandmother. Do you want to talk to her? She was on vacation and she just got back home today."

"Sure," I said as I sat up to get the phone while Dad left the room. "Hello."

"Hello, dear, your dad was just telling me about your friend. It must be awful," said Grandma Verna.

"Yeah, it is," I said.

"I am sorry for your loss," said Grandma Verna.

"Thanks," I said. "We just got back from New York City. I was able to try the wake last night, but now, I regretted it because it was too much for me, so I didn't even attend the funeral or the burial today."

"That has nothing to do with your decision, honey, you weren't just able to handle it," said Grandma Verna. "At least you tried the wake, that's all it matters."

I realized she was right.

"I know, but I have been depressed ever since Kayla passed away and the wake probably got me upset even more," I said trying not to cry.

"I'm sure it did," said Grandma Verna. "Would you like me to come down to visit you? That's what I'm planning to do anyway. I'll be coming down next weekend starting this Friday."

"Okay, sounds good," I said.

"Michelle's coming with me," said Grandma Verna. "Ella gave her permission."

"Even better," I said,

She has been my friend for quite awhile. She knew Kayla was very sick. They met and they clicked in to be good friends right off the bat. I didn't mind. We had a few things in common. We love to sew, we're into Cam Geary, and here's the weirdest part of all: we happened to share the same birthday! We became friends quickly. She lives in Iowa where Mom grew up. Her mom owns a beauty shop in her own home. Isn't that cool or what?

After we talked, I was still trying not to cry. I got a feeling that talking about Kayla's death is making me feel worse.

"All set with the phone?" asked Dad.

"Yes, thanks," I said. "Grandma Verna is coming down Friday and Michelle got permission to come as well. They will be here for the rest of the weekend."

"That's good," said Dad.

"I know, I don't know if I'll talk about Kayla to Michelle or not because I don't want to feel even worse," I said.

"I'm sure she'd understand about that," said Dad.

"Grandma might tell Michelle though and I was okay with it. I think that would be better than feeling worse," I said.

"That's true. That could work better for you," agreed Dad.

Later, I was still in my room while the rest were downstairs watching another movie.

"Is she going to join us?" asked Sharon.

"She's not in the mood for that right now," replied my father.

"I'm sure this would cheer her up," said Sharon.

"I know, but we can let her get better first," said Dad.


	8. Mary Anne and Michelle Exchange Stories

The next day, I managed to attend school. Kaylee was a great helper. She suggested to act normal around the girls. She was worried I'd be depressed again. That worked, the girls thought of that when no one talked about the funeral.

After school, Kaylee and I planned to hang out at my house. At home, we were in the backyard.

"Grandma Verna and Michelle are coming down this weekend," I said.

"That's good," said Kaylee.

"I told my grandmother about regretting going to the wake, but she made me realize it had nothing to do with my decision, I just couldn't handle it," I said.

"She's right," said Kaylee.

"I don't know if I want to talk to Michelle about Kayla or not. I'm just afraid I'd get depressed all over again," I said.

"That's up to you," said Kaylee. "See what happens when they come down."

When Friday came, I was in my room doing homework when Grandma Verna came that afternoon with Michelle. That was a few hours after Michelle got out of school for the weekend.

"How's Mary Anne doing this afternoon?" asked Grandma Verna.

"She's still a bit depressed," replied Dad. "She did attend school."

"That's good," said my grandmother.

"Mrs. Baker told me about what happened. I felt so bad for Mary Anne," said Michelle. "She must be taking it real tough losing a best friend."

"She did took it bad," said Dad. "I know she might not talk about it much to get depressed even more."

"I don't blame her," said Michelle. "May I go see her?"

"Sure you can," answered Dad. "She's in her room doing homework."

"I know how she feels," said Michelle. "I lost my best friend from cancer, too, so she probably won't mind talking about that."

"You can try," said Dad.

In my room, I was doing homework when Michelle knocked on my door and came in,

"Hi," said Michelle.

I looked over and said, "Hi, Michelle."

"How are you doing these days?" asked Michelle as she sat with me.

"I've been down in the dumps," I answered.

"I'm sorry to hear about what happen," said Michelle. "I felt so bad for you when your grandmother told me."

"Thanks," I said. "I miss Kayla. She was my best friend."

"I bet. I know how you feel," said Michelle.

"Really?" I asked.

"Yes, I also lost a best friend two years before I met you. She struggled with the same illness like Kayla did," said Michelle.

"She did?" I asked as I sat up.

"Yes, her name was Madeline. I took it bad, too and I was depressed for two weeks. My brothers liked her a lot and they both felt sorry for me," said Michelle.

"How did you find out?" I asked.

"I was by her side at the hospital when she died and I didn't want to leave her at all. I didn't want to attend the wake, the funeral, or the burial. That's how depressed I was," explained Michelle. "She had cancer for a year and it was caught early when she found out about it."

I was glad that Michelle knew on how I feel about losing a best friend. I was sure that wouldn't make me depressed as much.

"I was outside helping Sharon in the yard after church when Kaylee rushed over asking me to help her with their siblings, Kayla had just collapsed. When her parents came home, we were told that Kayla was on life support and had 24 to 48 hours. But I didn't get to see her until the following day. I stayed home from school to see Kayla. But I went back with Kaylee. When her family had a phone saying she had died, Kaylee came to me and I thought she was kidding because we had just saw her sister. The bad part was that she never woke up," I explained.

"Oh, that's even worse," said Michelle.

"I know. I haven't gone to school because I didn't want to fall behind in classes," I said.

"I don't blame you," said Michelle.

"Neither did Dad," I said. "I went back to school the other day."

"Good," said Michelle.

"Kaylee helped me," I said as I explained on what she suggested to do.

"Did it help you?" asked Michelle.

"Thankfully, yes," I replied. "Kaylee did that one time."

That night, we went out for dinner, but I didn't eat much.

"Are you okay?" asked Michelle, who was in my booth.

"I'm losing my appetite," I replied.

"I can tell. I was that way. That's how depressed I was," said Michelle.

Kaylee was there with her family and she spotted us.

"I just spotted Mary Anne. Can I go see her?" asked Kaylee.

"That's fine," said her mom. "We are waiting for the bill."

That was when Kaylee came over.

"Hi, Mary Anne," said Kaylee.

"Hi," I said.

"I'm sorry to hear about your sister," said Michelle.

"Thank you," said Kaylee.

"I lost a best friend of cancer," said Michelle. "I knew how Mary Anne felt."

"That must have helped you," said Kaylee.

"A little," I said.

"It's good to talk to someone who went through the same thing," said Kaylee,

"I guess," I said.

We talked until Kaylee had to leave with her family for home.

Later, I went upstairs.

"How come Mary Anne isn't joining us for a movie we rented?" asked Sharon.

"Just give her more time. She's still not in the mood right now," said Dad.

"But this is family time," said Sharon. "Plus, she has company."

"I was the same way when I lost my best friend two years before meeting Mary Anne. I was depressed to go anywhere myself. I told her I know how she feels," said Michelle. "Mom didn't mind at the time. Madeline and I had been best friends for a long time since we were preschoolers."

"I remember that year. Madeline was a nice girl," said Grandma Verna. "Her mother and Ella are good friends."

"You can count me out, too. I'll just go see how Mary Anne is," said Michelle.

In my room, I was curled up in a ball on my bed when Michelle came in.

"How are you doing tonight?" asked my friend as she sat on the bed with me.

"Feeling worse," I replied. "I hate feeling depressed like this. I'm not blaming you. I just miss Kayla way too much."

"I know," said Michelle.


	9. The Fair

In the middle of the night, I couldn't go to sleep at all. I can not stop thinking about Kayla.

I sat up in bed with tears started to fill up. I tried not to cry. I got up and came downstairs to the living room and put in that DVD to watch it. I figured it would make me better. Dad probably knew I was up because he didn't see me in my room. Just Michelle who was sharing my room with me during her visit.

"Where's Mary Anne?" asked Dad.

That was when Michelle noticed I wasn't in bed.

"I didn't hear her get up," said Michelle.

"Was it because you girls talked about Kayla bothered her again?" asked Dad.

"No, she just misses her best friend," said Michelle.

"I should go see where she is," said Dad.

"I can go take care of this," said Meredith.

"Are you sure?" asked Dad.

"Positive," replied Michelle. "That's what I've been doing. That helped her out."

Downstairs, I was still in the living room. I was on the couch when Michelle came down and noticed me there watching the DVD.

"I didn't hear you get up until your father noticed," said Michelle as she sat with me.

"I couldn't sleep that's all," I said.

"What's that you're watching?" asked Michelle.

"It's a DVD with Kayla in it. She and Kaylee made it this for Christmas for me," I said.

"That's very cool," said Michelle.

"I just felt watching it would cheer me up," I said.

"That's a good way to remember her," said Michelle.

"The toughest part is we were very close. We were attached to one another," I said.

"That's true. That can be very hard for anyone when they're super close," said Michelle. "Madeline and I were very close."

"Kaylee is stronger than me," I said.

"I can see the way she reacted when I felt sorry about her sister," said Michelle.

"She told me what helped her is that she knew Kayla would always be in our hearts," I said. "She'd help me to do the same."

"That's true," said Michelle.

"Also, Kayla gave me this locket. Kaylee and I plan to get her one, but she waited until I'm in the mood," I said.

"Good," said my friend.

The next day, I remained in my room and didn't come out when everyone else got up.

"Isn't Mary Anne up? It's almost time for breakfast," said Sharon.

"She's up, but she's still not hungry this morning," said Michelle.

"I think she should. She hasn't been eating for days," said Dad.

Michelle shook her head and said, "She's depressed again at this moment."

"I should go see her after this," said Dad.

After breakfast, Dad came in when he noticed me on my bed.

"Are you going to be okay now?" asked Dad as he sat with me.

"I just hate feeling depressed. I wish I could get over Kayla, but it's hard to do that," I said.

"I know," said Dad stroking my hair.

At noon, I was too upset to come down for lunch.

"Aren't you worried Mary Anne might get sick if she doesn't eat anything?" asked Sharon.

"I am," said Dad.

"Depression affected me that way, too," said Michelle.

The doorbell rang and Dad answered the door.

"Hi," said Kristy.

"Hi, Kristy," said Dad.

"How's Mary Anne's been doing?" asked Kristy.

"She's still depressed at this moment," replied Dad.

"Again?" asked Stacey.

"She managed to be in school this week," said Claudia.

"The other girls have been worried about her since she hasn't been hanging-out with us," said Kristy.

"She's having a hard time this weekend," said Dad.

"I'm sure that can make her feel a little better," said Kristy.

"You can try to do so," said Dad. "She's in her room."

In my room, Kristy knocked on my door and came in to me.

"Hi," said Kristy.

I looked and said, "Hi, Kristy."

"Do you want to try to hang out with us?" asked Kristy. "Perhaps that can cheer you up a little."

"Maybe," I said.

"Michelle can join us, too," said Kristy.

"Okay," said Michelle.

"Where do you have in mind anyway?" I asked.

"We're thinking of doing very special for Kayla to keep her in our memories that includes you," said Dawn as she came up. "You can join us if you want to."

"Sure, I guess," I said uncertain that would help me out.

Michelle was able to hang out with us. She and Grandma Verna would be leaving tomorrow.

"There's a carnival at the park. We can go there," said Dawn.

"Dawn, don't even mention it," said Kristy.

"Yeah, to make Mary Anne upset even more," added Claudia.

"But there's a surprise when we get there," said Dawn.

"It doesn't matter," said Kristy.

I pretended I didn't even hear Dawn said that. That's what I try to do now. It still haunts me.

At the park, I noticed that the carnival was to honor in Kayla. Her whole family was there, especially Kaylee.

"See?" asked Dawn.

"Are you sure that would be a good idea for Mary Anne to join us here?" asked Kristy. "This is going to bring her back bad memories."

"She can try to manage that," said Dawn.

I almost managed to spend some time at the carnival.

"You can help out with the tickets for the rides if you like," said Kaylee.

"Sure, I guess," I said trying to be cheerful.

"I noticed we haven't gotten an extra locket since you went back to school," said Kaylee.

"Sorry if I kept blowing you off. I haven't thought about it. My mind was on Kayla all this time," I said. "I realized that last night."

"You're not blowing me off at all, Mary Anne. I knew you weren't in the mood yet. I don't mind doing that when you're ready," said Kaylee.

"Thanks," I said.

"No problem," said Kaylee holding my hand.

The hardest part for me is to hold back tears. An hour later, I got up to take a break.

"I think I'll just go back home for awhile. I just can't stay any longer," I told Kaylee.

"I understand," said Kaylee. "I don't blame you. I'll swing by later to check on you."

She realized why I decided to go home: That terrible memory was coming back to me.

"Where did Mary Anne go?" asked Kristy, who noticed I left.

"She couldn't handle being here. She wanted to go back home early," replied Kaylee.

"I knew that she just couldn't," said Kristy.

"Me, too," said Kaylee. "I understood about that. I realized why she made that decision."

"Same here. I had a feeling that would come back to her. I warned Dawn that wasn't a good idea," said Kristy.

"I told Mary Anne I'll see her later when this is over," said Kaylee.


	10. Mary Anne Visits Dr Reece

At home, I was out back on the hammock. That was when Dad noticed and came out.

"You're back early," said Dad as he sat near me.

"We went to the carnival. Dawn mention it on the way there although I blocked that part out. They were doing that in keep Kayla in memories. I nearly managed to stay there most of the time, but I just couldn't remain there any longer. Kaylee didn't blame me for coming back home. She probably knew why: The worst memory was coming back to me," I said. "I tried so hard to hold back tears, but it failed."

"I believe it," said Dad.

"I just hate it when the fair memory bothers me," I said.

"I know, honey," said Dad stroking my hair.

"Kristy knew that might not be a good idea for me to remain there and told Dawn not to mention it," I added.

"I agree with Kristy," said Dad.

"I don't understand why I can't be strong like Kaylee," I said. "That's so unfair. She's just lucky. She has been helping me, but it's not working."

"I'm sure you'll be strong, too. It just takes some time," said Dad.

"I just hope so," I said. "Kaylee plans to come by later."

I plan to see Dr. Reece so I can feel better. I called her two days ago. I'm starting to see her tomorrow. I am _so_ tired of being depressed.

Kaylee came by like she said she would.

"I was worried about you. I knew why you left," said Kaylee.

"I wish that didn't bother me," I said.

"Did talking to Michelle really help you out? I know I already asked you last night, but I wasn't sure if it did because I recalled you weren't going to," said Kaylee.

"Well, I did say that. I'm not blaming her on that part. I just couldn't help missing Kayla," I said.

"Honestly, the way you're feeling right now, I think it did affect you again," said Kaylee.

She is so smart.

"Secrectly, I think you're right, but I didn't want to tell her. I didn't want her to think I didn't want her help," I said.

"That's true," said Kaylee.

"I'm thankful for that," I said.

That night, I was in my room.

"Time for dinner," said Sharon.

Everyone else went down, but I didn't.

"Mary Anne, supper's ready," said Sharon.

"She must be still depressed at the moment," said Dad. "She'll feel better when she starts seeing Dr. Reece tomorrow."

"I bet she can't wait for that," said Michelle.

After supper, I was still in my room sitting on my bed. That was when Dad knocked on my door and came in to be with me.

"Are you going to be alright now?" asked Dad.

"Missing Kayla still hurts," I replied.

"I bet," said Dad.

"I'll be so glad going see Dr. Reece tomorrow," I said.

"I know," said Dad comforting me.

The next day, I was getting ready to go see Dr. Reece. I skipped school to do that.

"I'll be back later, Michelle," I said.

"That's fine," said Michelle.

I left to go Dr. Reece's office. When I checked myself in, I sat down.

"How are you doing?" asked the receptionist.

"Not too well. I just lost a best friend to leukemia," I said.

"I saw that in the paper. Your therapist thought about you when saw that," said the receptionist.

"Yeah," I agreed. "I have been depressed off and on, which is why I'm here."

Two minutes later, Dr. Reece came in and said, "Hi, Mary Anne."

"Hi," I said.

"Come on," said Dr. Reece as we went to her office and sat down. "How have you been up to?"

"Depressed," I replied. "Kayla just died after struggling with luekemia."

"I'm so sorry to hear that. I remember seeing it in the paper. I knew why you called me to see me," said Dr. Reece.

"For starters, Kaylee rushed over to me after church saying Kayla was being rushed to the hospital because she collapsed and asking me to help watching the younger kids," I said.

"I can see that you have been helpful during Kayla's illness," said Dr. Reece.

"I have been praying for Kayla at church. When her parents came back, they say Kayla went on life support and had 24 to 48 hours to live. Kaylee and I had to wait the following day to see Kayla," I said trying not to start crying. "I'm glad we saw her, but she never woke up. Then, they had a phone call that evening day saying Kayla had passed away. And, when Kaylee called to tell me, I was shocked because we had just saw her sister. She almost didn't believe her mom."

"That must have been very hard on you," said Dr. Reece.

"It has been. Kayla and I were very close," I replied. "I became depressed ever since. When Dad showed me the death notice, I wanted to keep that part. I wasn't sure if I would go to any funeral services. I had the guts to go to the wake that was held in New York City since she grew up there before moving here. It bothered me so much that I was crying and walked out to the lobby. I was able to get back to the apartment. I didn't bother going to the funeral or the burial the following day. I regretted the decision, but my grandmother said it had nothing to do with my decision, I just couldn't handle it. I realized she was right. I still got depressed when we got back home. I haven't eaten for days because I was too upset. I haven't gone to school because I was afraid if I don't pay attention in my classes, I could fail. Dad didn't blame me for that."

"I bet," agreed Dr. Reece.

"I managed to attend school," I said.

"How are you making out?" asked Dr. Reece.

We talked about how Kaylee helped and added it made me feel a bit better.

"Good," said the therapist.

"My friend, Michelle, knew what I was going through. She had already lost a best friend to the same illness two years before she met me," I said.

"That was a good thing to know," said Dr. Reece.

"I know, but that didn't help me too much. Don't get me wrong, I'm not blaming it on Michelle. I was still feel very emotional ever since Kayla's death," I said. "I don't know what should I do to get over it quickly. Kaylee is stronger than I am. She offered to help me out. I just want to end depression."

"You can do a journal about good memories you had with her. Just sweep away the bad ones," suggested Dr. Reece.

"Would that work for me?" I asked.

"You can try doing that," said Dr. Reece.

After we talked, I started to feel a little better. I could try writing down memories in a journal. I think I did that last time when Amelia died. I just hope that would make me feel better and forget Kayla.


	11. Mary Anne's Bad Day

After that, I bought a journal to keep Kayla in memories. At home, I was in my room. I wasn't sure what to write. Dad knocked on my door and came in to be with me.

"How did it go with Dr. Reece today?" asked Dad.

"Good. She said I can do a journal so I can keep Kayla in mind," I said.

"That's a good idea to do," agreed Dad.

"I just hope it would work," I said. "I just don't know what to write."

"Maybe you can do more than a journal. Perhaps you can do a scrapbook," said Dad.

I didn't think of that part.

"Really? Would that work, too?" I asked.

"Yes," replied Dad.

"Perhap I can see if Kaylee would like to help out if she wants," I said.

"That's a nice idea," said Dad. "She wouldn't mind helping you out to keep her sister in her memories as well."

"May I go ask her now?" I asked.

"Of course, honey," replied Dad.

I took off to tell Kaylee the idea Dad came up with.

"I was told to keep a journal and he said I can do more than a journal, I can also do a scrapbook," I said. "Would you like to help out?"

"Sure!" exclaimed Kaylee excitedly. "We can do both a journal and a scrapbook."

"That's what I thought," I said as we giggled.

Later, Michelle and Grandma Verna told me they are leaving the day after tomorrow since they extanded their visit, so Michelle had permission to miss only two school days.

"Why don't you be with us before we leave?" asked Grandma Verna.

"Okay. I'm still seeing Dr. Reece after school," I said.

"That's understandable," said Grandma Verna.

That night, at dinner, I was starting to feel miserable. Dawn said something that bothered me. Kaylee was over that night.

"You need to get over Kayla for once," said Dawn.

"Dawn, leave Mary Anne alone," said Kaylee.

"What?" asked Dawn.

"You heard me. You can't expect her to do so," said Kaylee.

"Yeah, she's still having a tough time missing her best friend," added Meredith.

"Just get over it," said Dawn.

"May I leave the table?" I asked.

I couldn't take it anymore.

"Sure you can," replied my father.

I left the table and went up to my room.

"What happen to the _real_ Dawn who was being supportive to Mary Anne? You were comforting her and now, you're telling her to get over my sister?" asked Kaylee.

"Are you trying to make her feel upset all over again? She's trying to recover from it," said Dad.

The next day, at school, I was trying to focus, but Dawn almost made my mind go blank. Kaylee didn't talk to Dawn because of that.

Dr. Reece texted me she had to leave work because she was sick.

Worst of all, at home, I tried to be happy around Grandma Verna and Michelle, but it was very tough. Whenever they tried to talk to me, I accidentally snapped at them without thinking about it. I never did that before.

Even when Dawn tells me to get over it, I'd lose my temper. Her words didn't even make me feel any better I didn't swear though. I stormed off to my room to be alone. I realized Dawn was the one who put me in a bad mood.

"Is she alright?" asked Grandma Verna. "I never seen her snap."

"Don't worry about it. I think she was just mad at Dawn when she was told to get over it, that's all," said Dad.

"I don't blame her for getting mad at Dawn," said Michelle.

"I thought she'd be with us since we're leaving tomorrow," said Grandma Verna.

"She'll come around when she's calm," said Dad.

"I'll go talk to her," said Michelle.

In my room, I was on my bed feeling angry. I just had a **BIG** fight with Kristy by snapping at her and now, she won't talk to me or answer my text. I felt so bad about that. That's how the fight started. I thought she would know what was wrong with me. She knew why, too. That's what it gets me.

"Mary Anne," said Michelle as she knocked on my door and came in to keep me company. "Are you alright now?"

"Angry." I told her about what happened.

"I felt so bad about doing that," I said.

At least she knew on how I feel.

"I can understand what was happening to you. I admit it: I acted the same way you did while I was depressed. I would snap at my mother and older brothers," said Michelle.

"You did?" I asked as she nodded. "Did they knew why you did that?"

"Yes," replied Michelle. "I would feel bad about it, too."

"I'm still glad you know what I'm going through like a true best friend," I said trying to smile a bit. "I hope Kristy would understand about this. She knew Dawn made me that way. I almost didn't focus. Kaylee didn't speak to Dawn."

"Glad she cares," said Michelle stroking my hair.

"I also hope she doesn't turn all of my friends against me," I said. "I should talk to her before she does that."

Later, I found out Kristy almost turn our friends against me. That was before I get a chance to talk to her. They all knew why I was angry.

None of my friends wanted to turn against me. Dawn tried to join in. Kaylee didn't want to do that to me either. I was with her at the time.

"Depression can do that, too, you know," Kaylee told Kristy in her firm voice. "Don't you see what was happening to Mary Anne? She's still very upset about Kayla's death. Dawn caused her last night and you knew that, too. Don't you dare make our own friends turn against my best friend otherwise, I'll never forgive you for that."

"She almost did before I could get a chance to talk to her," I said. "The other girls know that I didn't mean to snap. I apologized when I did that and they understood what was happening to me. Why did you think they refused turned their backs on me? It's not my fault Dawn made me feel worse. I'm seeing Dr. Reece. I'm sure I'll be a new person after I stop seeing her."

"Snapping at anyone is still bad," said Kristy.

"Michelle knows how I feel. She told me she did the same thing to her mother and brothers when she lost her best friend of the same illness Kayla had. That made me feel good about it. She knows what I'm going through," I said. "Think of it this way: If _you_ ever lose a best friend or a family member and you'd snap, I'd understand how you feel like true friends do."

Luckily for me, that made Kristy listen to my problem and forgave me. I'm glad that was over.


	12. Grandma Verna Talks to Mary Anne

That night, at dinner, I was in my room not feeling myself. I have been losing my appetite. I feel bad for not being a good guest while Grandma Verna and Michelle, but I just feel lost without Kayla. I couldn't help it.

"She's not a very good company to be with us," said Grandma Verna.

"Why did you say that about Mary Anne for? She's still upset about Kayla. I was like that when Madeline died, too. Mom and the boys were the ones who understood my feelings. You made me feel guilty when you mentioned that to my mom during my depression. I know how that feels. Didn't you feel that way when you lost your best friend? I remember your reaction when Bob told you about his grandmother's death," said Michelle angrily. "You know what? It's really sad that I'm the only one who knows what she's going through besides Carlos and Meredith."

"I agree with Michelle," said Meredith.

"Me, too," added Carlos.

"Do you want me to go see if Mary Anne's okay?" asked Michelle. "I'm done anyway."

"Go ahead," replied my dad.

I was on the top of the stairs listening when Michelle saw me and we went to my room.

"You look mad," said Michelle.

"Why did Grandma say I'm not a good company to be with?" I asked.

"Wait a minute. You heard her say that?" asked Michelle as I nodded.

"That's making me feel bad now. She doesn't care on how I feel," I said. "At least you do."

"I know," agreed Michelle.

"Why can't she understand I'm having a tough time right now? Besides, she was the one who said regretting the wake had nothing to do with my decision, I just couldn't handle it," I said. "What happen there?"

"You got a good point," said Michelle.

"It's not my fault that Kayla's dead and there's nothing I could do about it," I said.

"That's true," said Michelle.

Dad, who was done with his meal, knocked on my door and came in and said, "How is she?"

"She heard on what her grandmother had just said," said Michelle. "She's mad about it."

"Oh, really?" asked Dad who was shocked.

"Mrs. Baker should understand what she's going through right now," said Michelle. "Mary Anne said it's not her fault that Kayla's dead. There's nothing she can do about it. She had a good point on that."

"I agree with you," said Dad.

"What Mary Anne doesn't understand is that your mother-in-law was the one who said regretting the wake had nothing to do with Mary Anne's tough decision, she just couldn't handle it," said Michelle.

"I'll have to go talk to Verna about that. Excuse me," said Dad as he left my room.

Out there, Dad came down and said, "Verna, you and I need to talk in my den."

"What about?" asked Grandma Verna.

"Just come with me please," said Dad.

In the den, they sat down.

"Michelle was telling me that Mary Anne heard what you said and she's very hurt about it. It's not that she's not a good company, she's just having trouble accepting Kayla's death. They have been best friends since Kayla first moved here with her family. That's why Mary Anne took it very bad. They were very close. And, I'm sure she will be a better person after she sees Dr. Reese. You need to understand about that," said Dad.

"But...," interrupted my grandmother.

Dad ignored her and added, "There's nothing she can do about it. It's not her fault. Michelle was the one who has been going to Mary Anne when you both came to support her, but you didn't. What Michelle said earlier is correct. Carlos and Meredith knew how she felt. They lost their families and felt the same way. Mary Anne supported Meredith out when she learned about the death of her mother and sister. She even went to London with Meredith for the funeral. Mary Anne probably thought you're here to support her, too. Why did you think you and Michelle came down for? For nothing? Besides, didn't you tell her that regretting the wake had nothing to do with her decision, she just couldn't handle it when you spoke to her on the phone?"

"I thought Mary Anne would be with us to make her feel better," said Grandma Verna.

"She tried, but Dawn wasn't any help, remember?" asked Dad. "Michelle is a good friend and cares about Mary Anne's feelings. You should go talk to her, too, and apologize while you're at it. You're the one who took her in after Alma died when I couldn't raise my daughter for awhile."

That probably got Grandma Verna to understand what Dad told her because she came up and knocked on the door.

Michelle came to open the door a bit and said, "Are you coming in to say your sorry for upsetting your own granddaughter? She is very hurt because about you said. She heard you from the top of the stairs."

"I'm just in here to talk to her," said Grandma Verna.

"And, owe her an apology?" asked Michelle.

I was facing the other way when Grandma Verna came in and sat with me.

"Look, I'm sorry about what I said about you," said Grandma Verna.

I turned my head to her and said, "I'm trying to accept that Kayla is dead. What you really said about me not for being a good company made me feel bad. I couldn't help being depressed. I just miss her. We were very close and were like sisters."

"Can you forgive me?" asked Grandma Verna.

"Only if you don't say that about me again," I replied.

"I promise," said Grandma Verna.

I sat up to hug her.

"I'm just lucky to have Michelle as my friend since she knew how I feel," I said. "I just never knew she had a best friend."

"She never brings it up. When you met her, she was really happy to have a best friend again. Like you, she might get upset if she mentions it to anyone," said Grandma Verna.

"She didn't get upset when she told me about it though," I said.

"That part is true," said Michelle.

"Only because you knew what she went through," said Grandma Verna.

"Exactly, which is why I have been helping her," said Michelle.

"I'm glad I have three other best friends, but nothing would be the same without Kayla. I just don't like feeling this way," I said.

"I know," said Grandma Verna.


	13. Michelle's Advice for Mary Anne

At midnight, I couldn't sleep. Michelle might have noticed I wasn't sleeping because she came over and sat on the bed with me.

"Are you alright?" asked Michelle.

"I just couldn't forget Kayla," I replied wiping my tears and hugged her.

"I bet," agreed Michelle comforting me. "I can call you daily to see how you're doing."

"I like that idea," I said trying to cheer up a bit.

"Just remember this: Kayla would be your guardian angel," said Michelle.

"I never thought about that," I said.

"You can try to do so. You can be with me in my bed if you want to," said Michelle.

Dad probably heard us because he came in.

"Are you okay, honey?" asked Dad as he sat with me.

"She couldn't sleep," said Michelle. "She's about to sleep in the bed with me."

"Okay," said Dad.

"I just told her Kayla could be Mary Anne's guardian angel. No matter where she goes," said Michelle.

"That would be a nice idea for her to remember that," agreed Dad.

"How would that work for me?" I asked.

"You can try to do that. I bet Dr. Reece would agree with Michelle," said Dad.

"I pretended Madeline's with me by using her as my guardian angel and it worked out for me," said Michelle. "I still miss her at times, but not as much."

"Do you still want to stay in here with Michelle or do you want to be with me?" asked Dad.

"I'll stay here with Michelle," I replied.

"Okay," said Dad while he was comforting me. "If you need anytime, you can just come to me."

"Alright," I said.

What Michelle said helped me sleep a bit better.

The next day, I was still sleeping when Michelle and Grandma Verna left to take a eight o'clock flight.

"How come she didn't get up to say good-bye to us?" asked Grandma Verna.

"She had a rough night," said Dad. "I decided to let her sleep this morning. She might be tired if she gets up now."

"I don't mind, she was with me," said Michelle. "I told her she can use Kayla as the guardian slept better after that. I told her I can call her daily just to see how she's doing. She liked that idea."

"That's a good idea. You're a good friend to support Mary Anne that way," said Dad.

"I know. Mom always supported me through a tough time," said Michelle. "She was the one who said I can use Madeline as my guardian angel. I never knew everyone has one until then. I was too young to remember my grandmother- the one who gave the beauty shop to Mom. I was only three. My father was still with us."

"Do you usually hear from him?" asked Dad.

"Not really. His phone got discontinued. The last time I talked to him on the phone was three years ago. He never even called me after Madeline died. That's how I found out his phone got discontinued when I called him one day during my depression. I always talk to him whenever I'm upset and he always make me feel better," said Michelle. "He doesn't own a cell phone or a computer. But I didn't even care. I was mad about that part though. At least I still had my mom to help me through. Even Michael and Lucas helped me out."

"I'm sure you were," said Dad. "Did they knew about Kayla?"

"They were on a vacation with their classes. They're due to be back this weekend, so I might as well tell them when they return. They liked Kayla, too. I'm sure they both might want to talk to Mary Anne to support her as well," said Michelle.

"I think she would like that," said Dad.

"Me, too," said Michelle.

That was when taxi came to take them to the airport. I was still asleep at the time. I didn't even get up until it was almost noon, but I still didn't want to have anything. Luckily, the school was closed because the heater broke, so I was relieved about not going to school this week since the heater guy was on vacation until on Monday.


	14. The Scrapbook

The receptionist called me saying Dr. Reece would be leaving early today because she has a doctor's appointment at two and I see her at around three. She was already booked before she would leave, so I'd be seeing her tomorrow. That afternoon, I was in my room sitting on my bed.

"Mary Anne," said Dad as he knocked on my door and came in to be with me. "Are you okay now, sweetie?"

"I could feel my heart is breaking after missing Kayla too much," I said as I sat up. "It just hurts."

"I bet," said Dad.

"This still reminds me on how I reacted about Amelia's death unexpectedly," I said. "At least I was able to forget her right away. Why can't I just do the same to Kayla? It's just so hard to do so."

"I know," said Dad stroking my hair.

"Kaylee is so lucky to forget her sister so fast," I said. "I want to be strong, too. I know I kept saying that, but it still bothers me."

"It'll be alright," said Dad putting his arm around me.

That night, I was too upset to have anything for supper. Later, I was in the living room watching that DVD again. I had the TV on low.

"Where's Mary Anne? It's after ten," said Sharon who was looking for me.

"She must be downstairs or something," said Meredith.

"I'll go see where she is," said Dad.

I was still watching the DVD when Dad saw me.

"It's late, it's time for bed," said Dad.

"Do you mind if I finish watching this first? I figured I'd watch the DVD to cheer me up a bit," I said. "I have doing it. Michelle liked it when I showed her."

"Okay, that's fine," said Dad.

"I still plan to keep the DVD so I can pretend Kayla's still here with me," I said.

"That's another idea to do," said Dad with a grin.

When the DVD was over, I put the DVD back in the case and shut the TV off before I went to bed. Two hours later, I was wide awake. I just miss Kayla way too much.

"Are you okay, Mary Anne?" asked Meredith as she sat on my bed with me.

"I just couldn't sleep," I replied. "I still miss Kayla. I find depression causes me to lose sleep."

"I believe it. Like Michelle mentioned before, you can use Kayla as a guardian angel," said Meredith.

"I hope that would work out for me," I said.

"I'm sure it will, it'll probably take awhile for you to accept that," said Meredith.

"I'm just tired of being depressed," I said.

"I know, it'll be alright," said Meredith.

The next day, I was in the waiting room at Dr. Reece's office when she came in.

"Hello, dear, come on," said Dr. Reece as we went into the office. "How are you have been doing?"

"Not well. I haven't been sleeping too well these nights. I still can't seem to forget Kayla," I admitted. "I'm not even in the mood to start any journal or scrapbook at the moment."

"You can still try to keep yourself busy doing that," said Dr. Reece.

"I hope that would help me out, I still miss her terribly," I said.

"I bet you do and that's normal," said Dr. Reece.

After that, Kaylee wanted to start that scrapbook with me and I decided to agree to do it.

"We can both make one. One can be for me and the other one can be for you," said Kaylee.

"Okay," I said.

I bet she and I will be closer than ever. She actually forgot all about Kayla because I'm assuming that she knew her sister is still alive.

"Can I ask you something?" I asked.

"Sure," replied Kaylee.

"How do you manage to pretend Kayla's still alive?" I asked.

"Well, it's easy. I did tell you she's in my heart every day and in my thoughts, so that way I'll keep her in my memories," said Kaylee.

"You're lucky that you managed to forget about Kayla," I said. "I still haven't yet."

"I'm sure you will one day," said Kaylee. "I'd help you go through it like I already said. Are you ready to get a locket for me?"

"Oh, yeah, I forgot about that. Do you want to get one after we finish this?" I asked.

"Okay," said Kaylee.

After we did the scrapbooks, they looked very nice. I remembered I already had a scrapbook, but it's nice to have a second one, so I didn't mind.

"I can't wait to show mine to Dad," I said.

"Do you still plan to do a journal on Kayla?" asked Kaylee.

"Yes," I said. "I'll just put good memories, not the terrible ones especially the fair. The bad ones may make me feel too emotional."

"That's a good idea to take away any bad memories," said Kaylee.

"I might to do it when I'm in the mood to be honest with you," I said.

"That's okay. There's no rush to do so," said Kaylee.

Then, we brought the scrapbook to my house before we went to a jewelry store to buy Kaylee a locket. She was glad.

"I have some of the pictures of the three of us to put it in my locket when I get back home," said Kaylee.

At home, I was looking through my new scrapbook enjoying it. I was sure this would cheer me up.

"Schools are reopening tomorrow since the heater guy fixed the heat," said Dawn.

"That's good to know," I said not even looking up.

"You don't look excited," said Dawn.

"Oh, I'm just looking through the new scrapbook I just made with Kaylee. She made one for herself," I said.

I decided to plan a journal. I only got one about Amelia, so I'll buy one tomorrow to write good memories about Kayla. Later, I showed Dad the new scrapbook.

"They looked very nice," said Dad.

"I know," I agreed. "I'm planning to buy a journal so I can write best memories Kayla and I had together."

"That's a good idea to do," said Dad.

"I'm not even writing any bad ones, including the carnival memory and her death. They would be too much for me. I don't dare to be depressed even more," I continued.

"I don't blame you," said Dad.

"Kaylee agreed with me on that, too," I said. "We were finally able to buy a locket for her. She didn't want to rush me. She asked me if I was up to it."

"Good," said Dad.


	15. The Journal

The next day, I was at a store getting a journal. I had an hour before seeing Dr. Reese. I might do the journal before or after seeing her. I'll have time either way. Maybe I'll think first while I see Dr. Reese.

At Dr. Reese's, I was telling her I decided to do a journal later so I can add any good memories about Kayla.

"I'm leaving the bad ones out," I continued. "Dad and Kaylee didn't blame me for that. I don't want to feel emotional if I do that."

"That's a good idea," the therapist agreed.

"I know," I said. "We made a scrapbook yesterday after I saw you. It came out real nice. I didn't bring it to show it to you. Dad liked it."

"That's great," Dr. Reese said.

"I'm glad that watching the DVD would cheer me a bit, but I find that gets me emotional sometimes," I said. "I'm just still having trouble adjusting Kayla's death."

"I'm sure the scrapbook, the journal, and the DVD would make you feel better in no time," Dr. Reese said.

"I hope so," I said. "I still feel blue though."

Later, I was in my room thinking of good memories I had with Kayla. Then, I had an idea what to do. I can write a story in the journal. Perhaps that can be turn into a real book someday in the future. I was debating to add the fundraiser after she had the leukemia, but I'm not adding how she got cancer again.

 _I remember when I met Kayla Willis at Stoneybrook Middle School while she was being bullied because she was African-American and I stood up for her. She thanked me and we clicked in to be good friends right off the bat. I also met her twin, Kaylee, in the lunchroom and we became good friends, too. I would never forget that day at all. We started talking on the phone later that evening. It was really nice. Kayla thanked me again for standing up for her. Besides Kaylee, there are six other siblings. They're even from New York City and live just three houses down from me!_

That was done for now. I'll continue it later so I can take a break. I'm starting to feel better doing it. At least the scrapbook started to make me feel better, too, so far. It's very hard to forget a best friend.

I showed Dad what I wrote so far.

"That's a nice way to start a journal," Dad said.

"I know," I agreed.

I managed to continue the journal and finsh one page. The next day, I spent most of the day doing the journal until it was almost time to go see Dr. Reese.

At her office, I showed her the journal.

"That's very nice," the therapist commented.

"Thanks," I said, "I did most of it until I stopped to come here."

"That's very good on what you do," Dr. Reece said.

"I know," I commented.

Later, at home, I continued to do my journal for a bit longer. I managed to attend the club and focused without making a mistake.

I kept doing my journal until I completed it and yes, I did left all of the bad memories out like I planned- including when I almost lost her, but luckily she was living longer because of the cancer treatments. There was no way I'd let them get me depressed all over again. That's all I need. Stoneybrook High School is due to reopen tomorrow because the heater guy returned early.

Perhaps Dad would know what to do. He _always_ help me out and that makes me feel good. I did ask him on what I should do.

That night, I heard the heater guy had a headache and didn't fix the heater just yet, so I was glad about that. He should fix the heater tomorrow when he gets better. Later, I decided to read my journal to make me feel better about Kayla. I kept reading until I went to bed.

The bad part was that I kept thinking about Kayla. I did try to fall asleep, but I woke up from a bad dream two hours later. That's how I miss her terribly. I thought the journal would make me feel better, but not quite yet. Why can't I just accept her death like Kaylee did?

I'm getting jealous. It wasn't the best time to mention it because I know she'd want for us to get closer.


	16. The Worst Day

The next day, the heater finally got fixed and is now reopen. Unfortunately, that didn't help much. Why? My grades are declining. They were all concerned about me. My English teacher came out to me at lunch and wanted to talk to me. She was worried since I wasn't paying attention in school.

"Not well, I'm still a bit depressed. I thought coming to school would help me forget about Kayla, but it hasn't," I said. "English isn't the only one that grades are dropping, all of my grades are declining."

"I noticed that," said my teacher. "Your feelings are normal."

"It's odd that I did fine after Kayla's funeral," I said. "Now, all of sudden, it's hard. It just feels awkward without her."

My English teacher cares about me and my feelings. I remember when the other English teacher did in middle school. I learned that I can talk to a teacher that you trust the most like I have been. Sure, the other teachers do care about me, too.

"We dare you to turn away from Mary Anne," said Cokie.

"No, I'm not doing that," said Kaylee.

"Us either," said Kristy.

Kaylee was worried about me when she didn't see me at lunch. She knew why. Thank goodness no one would never do that to me. She was walking home with me.

"They didn't see you at lunch," said Kaylee.

"I was talking to my English teacher," I replied.

"Cokie almost dared us to turn away from you, but we refused to do it," Kaylee replied.

"Good," I said. "Cokie should not do that."

"She even made Marci, Patti, and Kathi turn away from you. They didn't want to do that either," said Kaylee. "Meredith, Dawn, and Carlos did not want to turn away from their own sister. Even Cokie wanted Logan to break up with you, but he said no."

I couldn't believe on what I heard from Kaylee. At least she did the right thing by refusing to do the same thing.

At Dr. Reece's office, I told her about everything.

"I thought going to school was supposed to help me forget, not make things worse. My grades dropped and Cokie wanted my friends to turn away from me. No one, including Logan and Kaylee, wanted to do that. Cokie even tried to make Marci, Kathi, and Patti do the same way, but they all refused," I said. "Thankfully, my English teacher cares about me. She talked to me during lunch to see how I was doing."

"That's good to know you have a teacher and good friends who care about you," Dr. Reece said.

"Thank goodness for that," I said.

"I know," agreed the therapist.

"Cokie shouldn't make my friends to turn away. All my siblings refused, too," I said.

"They did the right thing," Dr. Reece said.

At home, I was in my room being frustrated about today. I tried to keep my cool inside, but I couldn't do that. I kept my temper by doing my homework. Then, I went to Dawn.

"I'm glad you guys did the thing by not turning away from me after Cokie dared you to," I said.

"I know," said Dawn.

"Glad I wasn't there because I'd snap at her," I said. "I would've joined you guys at lunch, but my English teacher was talking to me."

After that, I was in my room petting Tigger who was purring. I'm glad he cares about me. I love it when he comforts me when I feel upset.

Why did it had to be so frustrating for me? Luckily, Dad came home from work. After he put his work stuff away, he knocked on my door and came in to sit with me and said, "How did it go today?"

"Awful," All I could reply.

"Is everything okay, honey?" asked Dad.

"I thought going to school would cheer me up, but instead, my grades went down. They were concerned about me," I began. "Then, Kaylee told me Cokie wanted my group to turn away from me, but they all refused."

"Good," said Dad.

"I know. I was glad for that. Cokie tried to make Marci, Patti, and Kathi turn away from me, too," I kept on. "They told no."

"It's good you had friends to care about you," Dad said.

"I mentioned it to Dr. Reece earlier," I said. "She was glad they didn't listen to Cokie."

"I agree," said my father.


	17. Mary Anne Gets Firm

In the middle of the night, I couldn't sleep and I got up as I went downstairs. The news about Kayla still affects me.

"Are you okay, honey?" asked Dad who came down. "I heard you got up."

"The news about Kayla's death still affects me," I said.

"Oh, I bet," said Dad as he sat on the couch with me.

"Cokie doesn't get what I'm going through," I said. "She's making things worse."

"You must be angry with her about this," said Dad.

"I am," I said. "I can't take it anymore."

"You'll find a way to make Cokie stop," said Dad.

"I do ignore her," I said.

"I know," said Dad.

The next day, at school, I didn't speak to Cokie for the way she treated me yesterday. None of my friends blamed me. Unfortunately, Kaylee was out sick today.

At lunch, I heard her calling me wimp, I went straight to her and said, "Don't you ever call me wimp. I didn't like the way you tried to get my true friends to turn away from me. They had every right to refuse to do that. I can't help it about being depressed and there's nothing I can do to tell God to keep Kayla alive a bit longer so I can see her in the hospital before her death. None of you would like it if I treated you the way you did to me. Kayla and I were very close. That's why I have been suffering with depression. If she was alive and saw you treated me, she wouldn't like it one bit."

There. I fixed her good. I walked away before she could flip out. Kayla would've been glad.

"Good for you to tell Cokie off," said Kristy.

"I know," I said.

"How come Kaylee's out?" asked Stacey.

"Upset stomach, she was afraid to be sick in school," I replied.

"That makes sense," said Stacey.

"I was the same way," I said. "I'll see her after school. My therapist had a cold, so I won't be seeing her."

I was supposed to see Dr. Reece for the last time, but she was out sick with a cold, so that won't do any good for me.


End file.
